Breathe Read online

  “Asher is with me this weekend, remember? I won’t go unless he comes with. I left him last night and I’m not going to do it again tonight.”

  He hesitates. “Maybe since he’s with you we should do it another time. Tomorrow night maybe?”

  “Sure. I love you, Daddy.”

  “I love you too, Gracie.” He hangs up.

  I try hard to push his annoyance of Asher out of my mind. Having Asher around is a constant reminder of his wife, our mother, not being here. He tries not to show it, but I think he blames Asher for her death. They have never talked about it and probably never will. He doesn’t attend his school events or games and certainly doesn’t take him places unless my brothers or I are with them. Asher has rebelled and gotten into some trouble, expelled from school once even. I do my best to play peacekeeper between them and attend every event and game that I can. He stays with me every chance he gets. He needs me. And frankly, I need him too.

  We enter the apartment and Asher heads to the right for his room on the second floor next to Amy's and my office. I’m sure he picked up on the conversation. I follow him and walk up the stairs to my office. If I can’t go outside without being stared at and questioned about the breakup, I might as well hole up in my office and do some work.

  TO MY SURPRISE, FOUR hours have passed and it’s now early evening. I walk down the hall and hear Asher in his room. Knowing Daddy doesn’t connect with him like he does with the other four of us, especially with me, upsets him. He’ll stay in his room and play video games all day and night to avoid him. This is why he needs me. This is why he should live here.

  I hesitate knocking on his door not knowing what kind of mood he may be in. Daddy has a way of ruining this boy's mood.

  “Come in,” he whispers.

  I open the door and peek my head in. “Hi. Do you want me to get some take out for dinner? I can run down to Thai Wei.” It’s one of his favorite places here in our Manhattan neighborhood.

  “Yeah. Sure. Whatever.” He keeps looking straight ahead, playing some army looking video game.

  “Okay. I’ll be back in a bit. Love you.”

  He’s still not looking at me. I decide to approach with caution and sit next to him on a giant floor pillow. Duritz follows me in and climbs into Asher's lap. He pauses his game to pet the puppy behind his ears.

  “You know he loves you, right?”

  No emotion. No reaction. Nothing. He doesn't even turn to me.

  “You know I love you, right?”

  He puts down the controller, turns and wraps his arms around my shoulders, holding tight and squeezing the dog between us. After a few moments, I hear the faint sound of crying. I squeeze a bit tighter to let him know it's okay to let it out. And he does. He lets it all out. His frustration. His sadness. Whatever it is he's feeling, he lets it out.

  “I can’t do it. I can’t live with him,” he says between tears. “He doesn’t love me. Not like he should.”

  “Shh. It’s okay. We’ll figure it out.” I’m realizing that it must be worse for him than it seems. “Maybe you should live here with me. For a little while at least.”

  He nods as I pull back from our embrace.

  “You keep playing your game and relax. I’ll go pick up dinner.” I place my hands on either side of his face and kiss him on the forehead just as our mother would have done.

  “DADDY YOU CAN’T KEEP treating him like this. He’s your son for Christ’s sake...I don’t care. He needs you to be a parent not just a financial backer. He can do without the money, Daddy. What he can’t do without is a parent. I’m his sister not his mother...Daddy you’re not listening to me. I can take care of him for a while, but I’m only twenty fo-” He freaking cut me off. This man can be so infuriating. “Fine...I said fine, Daddy! He can stay with me until we figure this out. But I’m warning you, he’s still your son so treat him like one! I love you, too.” I hang up the phone with one hand while balancing the take out with the other, trying not to drop containers.

  “Shit. Fucking shit.” I mumble while stomping my foot like a petulant three-year-old. I wish I could throw this phone. I should throw this phone. Evil, evil little piece of technology.

  “Having a bad day?” I hear from somewhere behind me.

  No! Not now. I can’t deal with hecklers and assholes and cameras and questions. I had made it here with only one camera and no questions. I just want to get back to my little brother and have a nice night-in with him. I whip around to see who is giving me grief and suddenly lose my breath along with my balance.

  Lincoln.

  I knew he was trouble the first time I looked up into those stupid, sexy blue eyes. Maybe it's me that's trouble. Or am I just in trouble?

  “Need some help?” He asks while grabbing my elbow to even out my balance.

  Why am I so awkward?

  “Lincoln. What are you doing here?” I ask with hesitation.

  He looks delicious today, wearing a long-sleeved red flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the top few buttons unbuttoned. The dark jeans covering his long legs are ripped, but clearly from years of wear, not put there for fashion. He's got Timberland boots, unlaced of course, and a navy knit skullcap that covers his fuck me hair. The best part of all is that Goddamn, sexy as Hell smirk. That stupid thing seems to be permanently plastered on his face. Once again, I'll have to change my panties because of this man.

  He drops a cigarette onto the sidewalk and stubs it out with his big, boot covered foot. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he slouches his shoulders and leans to one side.

  “I just had a few drinks with my sister and Ryan and spotted you down here.” In that moment, I see Ryan and Hayes huddled under a green awning a short way down the sidewalk.

  Holy hell!

  “Hayes is your sister?” I ask to confirm the obvious.

  “Yeah.” He gives me more of that gorgeous grin. “Ryan is an old friend of yours.” I tilt my head slightly and lower my brows as he stares at me. “He’s been talking about you since the get-together last night. He pretty much has you on a pedestal.”

  Damn those stupid sexy voodoo mind tricks of his.

  “Oh.” I flush. Ryan needs to stop talking about me. Especially if he’s dating Hayes. Growing up he told everyone, and I mean everyone, that he was going to marry me someday. I had hoped he would let that go when we left elementary school, but he didn't. Then I thought it would change in middle school when he started discovering that others girls existed. He didn't stop then either. Then I met Patrick in high school and left for Princeton. It stopped then. He’s a great friend that loves me unconditionally. But I don’t love him the same way he does me. He needs to stop talking about me like we may have something more than friendship. The last thing I need is embarrassing and private moments from my upbringing being told to Hayes. And Lincoln. And anyone else for that matter.

  “So, do you need some help with this?” He gestures to the contents in my arms.

  “No, thanks. I think I’m okay. Just picking up a little dinner.”

  He takes a quick glance around. “Are you out here alone? Or is Thomas with you?” He sounds a little concerned. He must have seen the pictures online.

  Awesome.

  “I’m alone. I’ll be fine, thank you. I just live around the corner a few blocks. It was good to see you again,” I say in his general direction as I turn and begin my journey home. I can’t stand here, especially with him. Especially with the events of the last twenty-four hours. Especially when there could be cameras around. Especially when my nether region is silently sending out her mating call to him.

  “Wait.” He catches me off guard. I turn around to face him. “Can I walk with you?”

  I need to be at home. I need to be with Asher. I need to be away from the sex God.

  “You don’t have to do that. Don’t let me interrupt your plans.” I turn and start walking again.

  It takes him three steps to reach me and he looks down to catch my gaze.
“It’s no trouble. I want to.”

  Oh God. Is he for real?

  I cave to his sexiness and nod instead of speaking my acceptance. Lord only knows I would have said something barely coherent and completely embarrassing.

  He holds up his index finger to let me know to wait. It's then I notice a tattoo on his left wrist. It says “colorblind” in the same font as on the side of his club in Jersey.

  Interesting.

  He jogs back to Ryan and Hayes and says a few words to them. He turns his attention back to me before getting any kind of confirmation from his sister and casually walks back. Not taking our eyes off of each other, he takes the bags of Thai food from my hands and I notice another tattoo on his right wrist. “Breathe” is scrawled across it.

  Are those a sign? Those two tattoos are trying to tell me something.

  I quickly brush that thought under the rug for now as we start to walk. No hand holding, just walking. Side-by-side. Together.

  “So,” insert small awkward pause, “how was the rest of your night after you left the club?”

  “Okay, I guess. Rafe and I stayed up and had room service while watching a marathon of the 'Kardashians'.” And there it is. Embarrassment rises within me. I have just revealed my secret love for that screwed up Hollywood family. I also seem to have a bad case of verbal vomit when I'm around him. I hope I didn't get any on his shoes.

  Lincoln snickers...again. He seems to do that a lot around me.

  “How very socialite of you.” Okay, now he’s just plain making fun of me.

  I start to fidget with the lily charm, trying to act as though I am not a complete social disaster around him. “I know, right?”

  Jesus, I'm one bad laugh away from snorting. He should make fun of me. I really am an idiot. At least I didn't snort. That's a plus.

  As much as I want to, I can’t let my guard down with him. I feel a comfort in his presence, but it’s not right to let that girl out. Not to him. Not with my life festering in a black hole. He can’t see the private side.

  Pull it together Grace!

  “So, Grace, what do you do when you’re not being a wanted girl of society?” He asks.

  “Lots of things,” I say in return, trying to act sly and flirty. Trying being the operative word here.

  “Yeah. You’ve said that before.” He has that gorgeous grin on his face, as always. My heart starts to flutter as silence falls between us. We steal small glances and smiles from each other for the remainder of the walk.

  “Well, this is my building.” I stop in front of the double doors under the large red awning. “Thanks for walking me.” I reach over to grab the bags from his hand. He snatches my hand with his free one and pulls me in to him with one quick and gentle tug.

  We stand staring at each other for what seems like an eternity. A lust filled eternity. I find my eyes drifting towards his mouth. That bottom lip of his is calling me. It wants me to bite it. How can I deny it what I know it wants?

  “Grace,” he pauses as he peers around to catch our surroundings. “Can I see you again sometime?” He leans down closer putting his mouth against my ear. I feel his lips against that lucky ear. “You know, not just by coincidence?”

  My heart doesn’t flutter again, it just flat out stops.

  Breathe, Grace.

  His smell takes over me. Woods, nicotine and sexy sin.

  “Sure,” I somehow force out of my mouth. I so badly want him to kiss me; take all the breath from me. I would gladly not be able to breathe for him.

  “Good.” He pecks me on the cheek, pulls away and stands up straight.

  Oh God that grin is going to be the death of me...and my panties. Sliding his hand down my arm, he grabs my hand, brings it over to his hand holding the bags containing my dinner and passes them off to me. “I’ll get your number from Miles and call you.” Shoving one of his hands in the front pocket of his well-fitting jeans he pulls out a pack of cigarettes. “Soon.” He turns and walks the path we just came from, pushing the white stick into his mouth, lighting it and taking a giant inhale.

  Cigarettes have never looked so sexy.

  He leaves me standing in the doorway of my building, staring with my mouth hanging open and lady bits tingling as he walks away.

  Chapter Six

  My phone has been buzzing all evening. I turn it off and throw it onto the couch so I can enjoy my meal in peace with Asher and Amy. My little brother seems a bit better than before dinner. He has a small smile on his face, probably from the food. Or the Thai gave him gas.

  “Is it good?” I ask. If it takes a meal to make him a little happier then I’ll feed him until he combusts.

  “Uh huh. Thanks, Sis...for everything.”

  “My pleasure.” A moment passes. “You know I would do anything for you, right?”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “Why don’t you stay here for a while? Give Daddy some space.”

  He looks up holding chopsticks full of chicken. “Really? You’d let me stay here?”

  “It won’t be permanent, but I would love to have you. Thomas can drop you off at school and pick you up if you’d like. We can work out timing with him for your practices, too. Or you can get rides with friends as long as I know who they are and it’s not that Chase kid. Amy will be here when you get home from school.” I glance over to her. She and I have talked about this before, just in case this situation presented itself.

  “If I’m not here and you want to go out or something, you have to call me. Call Amy if I can’t be reached. One of us needs to know where you are at all times.” He rolls his eyes at me. “I’m serious, Asher. I’m not going to let you get in any more trouble or run around the City with that dickhead friend of yours.” I instantly regret saying the last part. I don't regret calling his so-called friend a dickhead, just that I said it out loud.

  “Geez, Sis. Protective much?”

  “Hell yeah. I’m the closest chick by blood you have to a mom. Get used to it.” Using my best mom-like voice I say, “Now, eat your dinner.” We laugh and talk some more until we’re stuffed to the brim from our gargantuan meal.

  After we both help Amy clean up and start the dishes, I decide to turn my phone back on. Nine more missed texts and five voicemails. I let Asher know where I’ll be for a bit and head up the stairs to my office.

  “Gracie, its Briar. How are you doing today? I haven’t heard from you since last night. Miles said you hung up on him this afternoon. I hope you’re okay. Call me. Love you.” Delete.

  Note to self: ask Briar about leaving with Miles last night. Horn dog!

  “Grace. Pete Maxwell here. Wondering if I could get a comment from you on the break-up with Patrick Warren? I couldn’t reach the family publicist and thought I would try you directly. Get back to my office when you can. Thanks.” Delete.

  Oh, no. Not this asshole. He's from an online gossip site.

  Note to self: have Thomas change my number. Again.

  “Yo, Gracie. I heard about Page Six. That shit is just wrong. They never get your good side. Kidding. If you need me just call. Much love.”

  Olive always knows how to make me laugh.

  Note to self: hang with her this week!

  “Gracie! Why in the hell are you not answering? You should know to always answer when I call. I’m a very important man. So as soon as you turn your Goddamn phone back on call me. Love you. Mean it.” Delete.

  Rafe. I love that ass-clown.

  Note to self: continuously thank baby Jesus for this man.

  “Hey, Grace. It's Linc. I know it’s only been a couple of hours, but I didn’t want to wait too long to see you. I was thinking we could go to this little bistro not far from your apartment. Monday evening maybe? Let me know. I can’t wait to hear from you.” Save!

  I stare at the phone.

  What the...what?

  He called already.

  Note to self: don't throw up or pee yourself!

  Our brief encounter was only about two hours a
go. What do I do? Do I call him back now? Do I wait until later? I don’t want to seem too eager. But on the other hand, I want to play hard to get. At least a little. Do I even want to go on a date with someone so soon after the break-up? I have no idea what to do. My mind is a cluster-fuck.

  I need a drink.

  I need my puppy.

  I need my best friend.

  “RAFE, I’M NOT PULLING your anything. We ran into each other in front of Thai Wei, he walked me home and asked if he could see me again. When I checked my messages a few minutes ago, one was from him.”

  “Well, I’ll be damned. This boy has a serious crush on you.”

  “A crush? What, are we in the sixth grade?” I giggle at the thought of Lincoln in middle school.

  “Gracie, your boobs are too big to be in the fifth grade.”

  “Cut the shit, Rafe.” I take large gulp from my wine glass. “You really think he wants to take me out on a date? Are you sure it’s not just the publicity, or notoriety, or status or whatever? You know, the public Grace?”

  “Are you kidding? Bitch, listen. He looked out for you the entire span of last night. He walked you to the car. He stopped you on the street today just to say hi. He walked you home. He asked to see you again. He called your brother for your number within hours of seeing you. I’d say he’s really looking to spend some time with you.”

  All logical words and thoughts have escaped me. Rafe’s right. He usually is and I hate that.

  Should I do this?

  “He just did all those things because I’m Miles’ little sister.”

  “Really! Are you that dense? HELLO! Get that negative stuff out of your head. When did you become this unsure, unconfident girl? I understand the panic attacks, but this shit has got to stop. What is wrong with you?”

  “Shut up Rafe.” I’m getting highly irritated with this man.

  “Look, Gracie. He's dark, brooding, hot. He puts the Man of Steele to shame. You need to give this a chance. What can one date hurt?”

  “Alright, fine. I’ll call him. I’ll call you after. Love you.”

  “Always and forever.” He hangs up.